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SATAN CLEANS UP AFTER GOD… AGAIN


God left a $45 million cleaning bill after unleashing the capital’s worst storm in 40 years.


Any one of the 30,000 Wellingtonians left without power to heat or light their homes might’ve been inclined to break a commandment or two to experience the heat and glow from Satan’s furnace for even one night.

Steve Cossaboom was without power for eight days and, as if that wasn’t hard enough, he’s a double amputee with feline friends to look after.

“It was tough going; being the height of winter meant it was already dark when I left for work and when I got home, plus it was bloody freezing!” said Steve, who’s originally from Vancouver and been living in NZ for 13 years.

“I showered at work in the morning, then came home and basically got straight into bed – cooking myself tea was off the cards, too!”

Satan’s Little Helper heard about the situation, so he blazed into Steve’s house, armed with offerings of the Underworld to ensure Steve stayed nourished and warm through the cold nights.

“I really appreciated the help. Satan’s Little Helper provided some warm comfort during the pitch-black evenings,” said Steve, who also happens to be a loyal Hell customer and cites Envy as his go-to pizza option. SLH: 1, God: 0.

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